FAIR OR NOT

October fourteenth marks five months
When life slipped from you
Our home transformed to mine as
You left me
The act of your last breath sucked life from me

Hugs wilt in empty air
My feet touch the floor when I descend
The bottom of the stairs
You once climbed
My body pivots at the bend
Where your empty chair haunts
You are not there

I already know this
In the fullness of time
The defrauder of my days
Causing days to play tricks on my mind
Forgetful if the day is Monday or Saturday
They blend into weeks
Passing without control like a bandit
Stealing visions of my past
With you

Fair or not
A knot binds my existence as I
Fare through my day
Perceptions, breaths
Awareness an indeterminate
Piece is missing

Query evades me
My love paws the new mist
That has become my life
Daring to cling to
Existence formerly mine

Piling my sheets into the washer
I grasp a pillowcase that has
Lost your scent

Acquainted now with the missing piece
Your scent
I perch on a bare chair
Barren of your presence I’ve grown
Slightly accustomed to
Memories of laughter
Pictures of travel
Drives in the truck talking or silent
Are mine to cherish

Tears dribble down my aging face as
I reject, and rage, at the inevitable
Loss of your scent

---

A dear friend of mine has started a GoFundMe page to support me through this first year.

https://gofund.me/4c611507

Raymond made me laugh - every single day. His laughter is one thing I miss the most about him. Many people have asked me what they can do for me, how they can help me through this tunnel I’m crawling in. My response is “make me laugh.”

Raymond’s passing taught me to appreciate every moment I am with someone I love. Wishing you all creation of special memories with your loved ones.

Love, Allyne